Let's not forget about the kids

I'm thrilled that yesterday Maine's governor signed into law legislation legalizing gay marriage.

But, I can't help but think about this news in contrast with the two recent deaths of kids who were harassed so badly for their perceived sexual orientation that they committed suicide.

Gay and lesbian youth are 2-5 times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.

We can't look at these two boys' deaths as separate from a society saturated with homophobia. School leaders, community members, parents, and youth allies need to take responsibility for creating environments in which all youth thrive, not just those that fit into our culture's narrow definition of 'normal'.

Curricula, films, and other tools designed to reduce bullying in schools generally do not take into account the toxic environment. Rather, resources focus on singling out bystanders, bullies, and victims singling out individual students involved without taking into account the systems in place that reinforce and reward students' bullying and harassing behavior.

Hardy Girls' Ugly Ducklings Campaign is a national campaign designed to combat bullying, harassment, and suicide of lesbian and gay students through the use of a multi-media community action kit. The kit includes a documentary film about the real effects of homophobia and hate on youth as well as a guide for creating safe, supportive environments for all youth. It also includes a special section on youth and suicide.

Check out the Campaign and preview the kit and documentary online at www.uglyducklings.org. And now, for a limited time, get a copy of the Kit and Documentary for 50% off.

Join with us. Because together we can create a better world for girls.

Lawrence and His Caterpillar

Two weeks ago, on February 12, 15 year-old Lawrence King was shot to death in his school’s computer lab by a 14 year-old classmate.

A picture that accompanied the New York Times article showed Lawrence in December 2006 tenderly cradling a caterpillar in his hand. I looked at Lawrence gently sheltering his little green friend and thought, “Where was the culture of acceptance and reverence-for-life that should have protected Lawrence?” Where was the common voice to say, violence is not acceptable? Where was the common hand to take the gun away from 14 year-old Brandon McInerney with the words: We do not resolve our fear or anger by shooting people?

Tragically, there was no such voice and there was no such hand. We live in a culture that glorifies violence and spreads blatant and covert messages of homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, along with intolerance against a myriad of other groups based on religion, class, and cultural heritage. Violent media and sentiments of targeted hate do not cause physical acts of violence in a simple, connect-the-dots manner. However, we must seriously examine what overall effects a culture of intolerance and glorified violence has on all of us, especially our children.

Since last fall, Lawrence had been living at Casa Pacifica, a center for abused and neglected foster care children, and I can only image what difficulties and trauma Lawrence had already faced in the course of his young life. Yet, despite the hardships, Lawrence graced his community with a warmth and effervescence that endeared him to classmates and administrators alike. “He had a character that was bubbly,” said Marissa Moreno, a fellow 8^th grader. “We would just laugh together. He would smile, then I would smile and then we couldn’t stop.”

Not only did Lawrence have the courage to share love with others in a violent culture, he had the courage to openly love himself. According to classmates, Lawrence publicly stated that he was gay and had since been enduring harassment from a group of male schoolmates. “They teased him because he was different,” said Moreno, “but he wasn’t afraid to show himself.” Lawrence continued to wear make-up and jewelry to school and didn’t hesitate to tell people where he bought his favorite high-heeled boots, which he wore to school almost every day.

I hear many adults say that the hostile sentiments of their communities prevent them from speaking out against anti-LGBT language and sentiments. But this excuse is just not good enough. There are amazing children like Lawrence in every community who are brave enough to wear their favorite boots in the face of violent harassment. But this violence must not be acceptable and these children must have our protection and support. As long as this blog is filled with stories of children who have died because they live in a hostile world, our conviction to forge a safe world for these children must not fail.

Find out how the Ugly Ducklings Campaign is taking a stand against the harassment of LGBTQ youth, and learn how you can support the Campaign.

Read the complete New York Times article, "Boy's Killing, Labeled a Hate Crime, Stuns a Town."

Gay & Lesbian are Not Lewd or Rude

Symbols of smut?
On December 10th 2007, Bethany Laccone, a senior at a Virginia high school, was threatened with suspension if she did not cover up a bright red t-shirt that expressed her pride in being a lesbian. Laccone was told by staff at I.C. Norcom High School in Portsmouth, VA, that her shirt violated a section of the school’s dress code prohibiting “bawdy, salacious or sexually suggestive messages.”

And what was the “bawdy,” “suggestive” image on Laccone’s shirt? Two interlocking symbols representing the female gender. There were no eroticized body parts, nor any explicit language. According to Norcom staff, the mere representation of two females joined in a lesbian relationship was, in and of itself, sexually explicit.

Recognizing the pattern
Sadly, Ms. Laccone’s story is not unique. In December, the Ugly Ducklings Campaign was locked out of our account for a week because another member of the blogging community flagged this blog as being possible spam. I can only assume this happened due to our “excessive” use of the words lesbian and gay, as we received a similar spam warning when drafting our e-news. The message advised us that our newsletter, which often contains LGBTQ and its root words, might be blocked from delivery in some in-boxes due to: Use of words common to pornography (porn, xxx, voyeur, etc.)

Enough is enough!
GAY does not equal porn and LESBIAN is not sexually explicit. At the root of both Ms. Laccone’s harassment and our own spam problems is the same bigoted notion that homosexuality is inherently deviant and raunchy. It seems farcical to imagine a young woman getting in trouble for wearing a “Boy Crazy” shirt to school, doesn’t it? Join the Ugly Ducklings Campaign in deconstructing heterosexual privilege in our schools and communities, and vocally celebrate LGBT people for their whole, nuanced selves!

Read more about Bethany Laccone and her super shirt

Recent Reviews

On viewing the Ugly Ducklings documentary at NEWfest in NYC, Robin Lichtig said,

"Okay - this was exciting. I just got back from a New York City screening of UGLY DUCKLINGS, based on and woven around lister Carolyn Gage's play of the same name. Big AMC-Lowe's movie house on Broadway. Darned big audience for a Friday afternoon. Met the director, a producer, others involved with the film. Lively Q and A followed.

"The film (and play) concerns the dreadful, daily pressures that LGBTQ (Q for "questioning") teens and young women are subjected to. It is an important film. Info, study resources and a CD are available from www.UglyDucklings.org or info@uglyducklings.org. Check it out if you know someone in a school, church, or other organization that would be interested in helping their young people cope with discrimination, identity, homophobia, harassment. I picked up information to send to a pastor of a church in Vermont. The more widely this film is distributed, the more
chance there is of helping these children who all too often are driven to extremes, including suicide. Cheers, Carolyn! You're making a difference."

From Diane Elze, Ph.D., an Associate Professor in the School of Social Work, University at Buffalo. Diane is also founder of OUTRIGHT in Portland, Maine and former board member of the Maine Lesbian/Gay Political Alliance (now, Equality Maine).

"This documentary is right now the best film on the planet that confronts us with the painful intrapersonal and interpersonal effects on all young people of the pervasive sexual prejudice that we teach them, and the resultant harassment and bullying, and it does so with power and sensitivity.

"These young women inspire us to join with them as change agents to actively engage with youth and adults to create safe and respectful environments in which everyone can thrive. The young participants are truly role models in showing us how to carry on meaningful, authentic conversations about sexual orientation and gender identity diversity. Most importantly, they show us how to take action despite our nervousness, uncertainty or fear.

"Hardy Girls Healthy Women has provided us with a brilliant film and an information-rich, user-friendly action kit that we can employ with youth in very diverse settings – schools, youth groups, faith communities, shelters, and other residential programs. Who could ask for more? We just need to take the risk to engage with young people around this material. And the young women in the film bravely and proudly show us how to do that, too!"

Colby College Student Reviews Ugly Ducklings

Last week, Colby students hosted a screening of Ugly Ducklings during Pride Week. Below is a fabulous review from one of the students!

The Ugly Ducklings Documentary
Sarah Nagel
Issue date: 4/13/07 Section: Arts & Entertainment

On the evening of April 5, a small group of students gathered at a Bridge sponsored event to watch The Ugly Ducklings Documentary and to discuss the harassment of today's gay and lesbian youth. The documentary was produced in a collaborative effort by Hardy Girls, Healthy Women and Greater Waterville's Communities for Children / Youth Coalition and was filmed right here at Colby College.

In an effort to reduce harassment within schools, the film is being distributed to Maine schools along with a community action kit. While the film has very local roots, it attracted attention worldwide through its participation in LGBTQ film festivals in San Francisco, Madrid and Italy. The documentary features interviews with fourteen female actors who participated in a play about bullying and an attempted youth suicide. The actresses discuss their own struggles to overcome harassment and to come to terms with their sexual preferences. The Ugly Duckling puts a very human face on an issue that is all too often ignored and oversimplified.

The film's opening forefronts the devastating consequences of biased based harassment by displaying a short clip of a young girl pulling a noose over her head. The film sites a statistic confirmed by twenty national studies: gay and lesbian youth are 2-5 times more likely to attempt suicide. Another depressing statistic sited by the film is that the typical high school student hears anti-gay slurs 25.5 times a day. Ugly Ducklings explores this world of harassment by switching between personal anecdotes and theatrical drama. While the film clips of the play help dramatize patterns of harassment, the most compelling aspect of the documentary is the personal testimony of the actresses themselves.

Because the actresses come from diverse backgrounds and age groups, their stories are highly accessible. Their experiences speak to the devastating effects of harassment and bullying in schools. While racial minorities may experience discrimination in schools, they can depend on the support of their families and churches. Gay and lesbian youth, however, feel completely alone; their parents are often more homophobic than their classmates. The actresses explain that one of the most troubling aspects of their schooling is their teachers' indifference to name-calling and bullying. Because students look up to their teachers as role models, it is devastating to watch teachers ignore bullying and implicitly support discrimination.

Along with their experiences with harassment within the school system, the women discuss their sexuality and the ways it influences their relationships and beliefs. In a compelling testimony, an actress describes her suicidal feelings as a preteen. Intense feelings of depression are not an uncommon experience among LGBTQ youth. Most felt they would lose everything when they came out: their best friend, their family and their dreams. The good news is that they didn't. Although most parents were reluctant to believe that their children's homosexuality was anything more than a phase, they continued to love and support their child. As one mother explained, "When you have a homosexual child, you have to deconstruct everything you think you know. It does not necessarily mean your child will have a hard life. It does not necessarily mean you won't have grandchildren."

Another prominent issue discussed in Ugly Ducklings is religious beliefs and homophobia within the church. Statements like, "I don't tell my mom I'm bisexual because she doesn't want me to go to hell" emphasize the ways religious communities contribute to homophobia and serve to distance family members. When it comes to increasing tolerance and changing the way people think about homosexuality, addressing religious issues is of the utmost importance. The film touches on this issue by including clips of a woman discussing her sorrow in being alienated from the church. She clings to her beliefs saying, "No one knows what comes between me and my God but me." By using a multiplicity of voices and faces to address problems of harassment, Ugly Duckling promises to become a useful educational tool.