Raise Your Allied Voice

Whose Voice?
I have spent a lot of time thinking about my role as a straight woman who will be posting regularly on the Ugly Ducklings blog, a blog dedicated to ending the bullying and harassment of LGBTQ youth. For several weeks, I felt like an impostor. “Who am I to be writing about LGBTQ issues?” I thought.

Whose Silence?
My perspective fundamentally changed, however, when I came across a prayer last week which asks forgiveness for all the times, “We knew that others were being mistreated and yet we did nothing.” My thoughts leaped immediately to a conversation I had with a friend in 10th grade chorus. We were sitting next to each other trying to guess who the other person had a crush on, and I remember clearly the moment her answers eliminated all the boys in the room. I also remember the moment I chose not to acknowledge that she was attracted to a girl. Instead of asking excitedly, “Do you like Kelly?” I feigned confusion. I pretended that I could not figure out who she was talking about. Now with great sorrow I ask myself, what was I so afraid of? Several of the women I grew up loving and being nurtured by were lesbians, and yet when presented with the opportunity to be an active ally to a peer of my own, I did not have the courage to break out of the dominant mold of heteronormativity.

Whose Problem?
I often point out that men’s violence against women is almost always referred to as a women’s problem, but it is, in fact, a men’s problem. It is the batterers who have the problem. They are the ones whose actions are harming others. In the same way, homophobic bullying and harassment is not a homosexual problem. It is a heterosexual problem. By choosing to be silent in high school I supported homophobia, just as a man supports domestic violence when he witnesses abuse and turns his head away. It is the responsibility of every individual, not only to eliminate her own homophobic thoughts and behaviors, but also to actively challenge all homophobia that is witnessed.

I cannot go back and speak out, but I can refuse to go forward in silence.


Want to know more about being an Ally?
Check out the LGBTQ Center at UNC Chapel Hill’s website

Looking for support?
The Ugly Ducklings Community Action Kit contains activities, discussion questions, movie clips, and resources for creating safer, harassment-free schools and communities!

The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network has a wealth of information, resources, and project ideas to help your school be a safe place for LGBTQ youth.